By Max Gross, 2 April 2026

Anthony Albappeasey, Australia’s prime minister, gave a mealy-mouthed Address to the Nation last night (Yes, this is serious, Mum) but feck knows why he even bothered. Don’t mention the war!

Doing a fine impersonation of his smirking predecessor, “Albo” told us that, despite the crisis, we should just “go about your business and your life, as normal”, sounding like Scott feckin’ Morrison during the Covid pandemic telling us to enjoy our weekend and go to the footy ( To date, 28,855 Aussies have died of Covid19, with an average of 339 infections logged per week. Yes, kiddies, it’s still out there).

The Australian government’s gutless submission (We see you too, Penny Wrong!) to Trump’s lunacy is not just an embarrassment, it also stinks of complicity. In his pre-recorded televisual speech, Old Anthony Jellyback vowed Australia would not join Trump’s “excursion” in Iran. Really?

Albappeasey was the first world “leader” to declare support Trump and Netanyahu’s terrorist attacks on Iran, and he’s the one who then sent our Australian Defence Force boys and toys to help defend the United Arab Emirates (UAE), a corrupt shit hole hosting US military assets that’s never held a democratic election. But Australia does have a permanent military foothold at Al Minhad Air Base in the UAE. Why? It sure isn’t there for the exotic night life and camel beauty contests.

Australia’s is also joined at the hip with the US/Israeli war against Iran because of US spy bases at Pine Gap near Alice Springs, Kojarena near Geraldton, North West Cape near Exmouth, Shoal Bay Receiving Station near Darwin, and US bombers at Tindal RAAF base at Katherine NT. As for AUKUS, which also ties us to the batshit crazy Trump regime, it may have been (was!) Morrison’s brain-fart but Albanese signed the feckin’ deal. He had eight months – eight months! – to either renegotiate or cancel but went ahead and rubber-stamped the feckin’ thing, pissing $400 billion up against the White House Ballroom.

The US and Israel – Trump and Netanyahu and their enablers – started this latest Middle East clusterfuck and have committed war crimes by targeting Iranian citizens and non-military infrastructure but “Albo” didn’t mention any of that in his TV pantomime. It’s as if the rising cost of petrol is the fault of unicorns. No ticker!

Naturally, Mad King Donald also gave a national address, a surprisingly short one by his senile, dementia-addled standards, a mere twenty minutes, but he managed to enlighten his fellow Usanians – and the world – that he has won again, that he has “obliterated” Iran (How many times is that now?), that he is the greatest, nobody has ever seen anything like it before (except for the last time he babbled for hours) and that he is bored and going back to Mar-a-Pedo with his bat and ball and pencils and dolls, and we can clean up the massive dump that he and his psychotic handler Bibi just took on us all.

The tangerine tyrant also clarified his rationale for joining Israel’s surprise attack on Iran – during negotiations – by saying “I don’t care” about Iran’s uranium stockpiles. Oh, and there was yet another “or else” deadline. I’ve lost count of those as well. Earlier this week, TACO Donny said the US would retreat from Iran “very soon”, giving a timeframe of “two weeks, maybe three”. Clear. As. Blood.

Meanwhile, Hezbollah launches drones and rockets at northern Israel, Iranian missiles continue to rain down on Tel Aviv and on US strategic assets in neighbouring Arab countries; Israel continues to steal Lebanese territory and kill Lebanese citizens as well as continuing to kill Palestinians in Gaza and the West Bank, where it it also stealing more land; and somebody inside the Trump regime is making a killing on the stockmarket as oil prices go up and down like a yoyo with every changeable, contradictory, incomprehensible Trump announcement.

But I’ll leave the next-to-last word here to Democrat Congressman Seth Moulton, apparently a Marine Corps veteran, speaking on MSNBC in Usania: “The president is senseless. He’s senile and he’s downright sleepy. I mean, it was a pretty pathetic address that just showed how weak and clueless he is. It would be almost comical if the stakes were not so high, but the stakes are incredibly high, and that’s why this is so dangerous for us and for our troops.”

To quote my dear departed Granpa Gross, Trump is the kind of bloke who would get lost in a phone box and starve to death because he couldn’t figure out how to call for help.